Praying for Prosperity, New Opportunities, and Closure

I need my own life. Well, I love my family life, but I need to be able to have my own goals to achieve, space to create, friends to do things with. Chris has taken the garage and the workshop, and it's very depressing for me to not have my own space. My little workshop is accessible to everyone...no privacy...no soundproofing for solitude. If I want to get up early in the morning to work in my workshop, which is full of every one's stuff, I have to be careful not to wake up Willow because we don't have any doors. It's truly frustrating. I understand that creating a small business will not bring in a substantial amount of money, but it would be something. I haven't found the boost that I need yet, but I will continue to work towards it. It's a financial thing. Right now I consider us below poverty, but rich in love and knowledge.

I am sometimes struggling to walk and use my hands. I want to use my body while I still can. Sometimes people poke fun at me because I can't do everything that a 30 year old woman "should" be able to do. My mental health is still compromised. I am still grieving pretty bad, I realize that. I know that it is written all over my face everyday, and through my writing and conversations.

I will be praying today and tonight, during this full moon, to be shown the way to a new way of life for myself. One that will allow for me to still have strong bond with my family and husband, but an outlet for me to have my own experiences without them as well. I will be asking for support, prosperity, and for new opportunities. I am willing to work hard for these things. My physical limitations are just one thing. I still have my mind and my passion.

I still have myself...my own dreams and aspirations.

I will stay positive and work on drawing in positive things, and opening new doors for myself...that will also benefit my family and friends.

Thank you God, Goddess, Universe, etc....for everything that I have and for all of the new things that may come my way.

I am so very thankful, and looking forward to seeing what my future will hold.

With all that being said, I would like to post a beautiful graphic as a reminder to myself and to anyone who may read this, that we are all warriors in our own lives. We need to stand up for ourselves and take charge when needed. We must stay strong.

Earth Day and Cultural Anthropology Studies

Today is Earth day and I think it is only natural to think about the earth in it's entirety. This would include the geology and also studies in cultural anthropology. I happen to be blessed with a collection of anthropology books, that I got for free. I like to call it a miracle, or a syncrhronistic manifestation. The books are from a used book store that is like a spiritual vortex, helping people manifest the knowledge that they are seeking.

Last night I was reading a page from a book called Cultural Anthropology, Understanding Ourselves and Others, second edition, by Richley H. Crapo. I immediately started reading about culture shock, but I flipped through the pages and found myself very interested in a section titled "Intercultural Influences". I would like share an excerpt from that book, that I believe is important for everyone to understand.

Intercultural Influences

Contact between cultures can bring tremendous change. This is especially true when the two societies differ greatly in economic and political power. Sometimes the extinction of native populations has been carried out by systematic acts of war. Even in less extreme cases, the transition from the traditional way of life to a socially dependent status is never without turmoil. Cultural subordination of one way of life by another, even when it occurs peaceably, can be a shattering experience both psychologically and culturally.

Time and time again, anthropologists have described the tragic effects of the world's nonagricultural peoples of contact with the industrialized peoples of the world. Diseases introduced from the more densely populated societies sometimes decimate the local population, in which there is less resistance to the diseases of the civilized world. The awareness that other peoples are more powerful and more blessed with luxuries is a blow to the cultural pride that unifies a society. Often, contact is followed by a rise in the rate of internal conflict and other forms of deviance, such as alcoholism and suicide. For the Kwakiutl (tribe), contact with Europeans may have led to exaggerated-and destructive-attempts to display wealth and power.   

This really makes me think about the conflicts that are going on around the world, and right here in the United States, between the people of different states or within the groups of people with different economical statuses and religious or spiritual views.

In the United States accurate education about world history is stifled. It takes a certain amount of intuitiveness and curiosity to break free from this perception. Ideally, we would all want to strive for a better understanding of the world, but most of the time, this is not the case.

I believe that it is our responsibility to try to understand the psychology of the people in the world and our own psychological process. With insight into these processes we can better understand and accept different cultures and religions with less resistance.

Earth Day, Some Dreams and Spiritual Evolution

I had an awful dream last night. I won't get into it, but I realize that I REALLY need to start doing some more serious dream work. That's something that shouldn't be ignored. If you are constantly having vivid dreams they shouldn't be ignored! It's time to delve into my subconscious mind and work on a few things.

I woke up in a weird mood because of the dream, and I got on the computer to help wake up my eyes. It's a ritual that I enjoy. I also decided that I should scramble around and find my walking shoes and workout clothes. Willow woke up, but I still got ready to go for a walk. I woke Chris up while I was looking for a bra. Whoops. Well, he needed to keep an eye on Willow while I was gone anyway.

I really needed to take a walk. That dream really did shake me up and made me question some things in my life. We live in a beautiful neighborhood, except for a few little things. During my walk I had to keep reminding myself to not worry, and to just have TRUST that I am where I belong. I need to believe that the universe will give me signs as to where I belong and what I should be doing.

That is trust.

Today is Earth Day, and also the anniversary of the day Chris and I decided to set off on an adventure as a couple. We went through flirting, courting, feeling out the situation, and then finally we went looking for moss covered rocks and a waterfall...that was on Earth Day 2007.

I walked past some trash on my walk, but was disappointed in myself for not thinking about bringing a bag for trash and recyclables! At the end of my walk, close to our house, I started picking up cigarette butts. I think I know where they came from, but I can't be certain...so I can't point any fingers. It does make me sad, though. My sister lost her husband a couple years ago because of his cigarette addiction. He went through many painful treatments and surgeries.

It's 9:42am, and I have a lot more things to do today.

I'm just going to go with the flow...

Boob Talk: Teaching Older Children About Breastfeeding

Today my four year old was asking me about my boobs. I don't want her to be scared of breasts, I just want her to understand them. Recently we went to visit some good friends of ours. She got to see a little girl nursing, and I'm so glad she did. I nursed my babies, but didn't nurse them for as long as I wanted to. I ended up with breast infections that left me very ill. I nursed two of my children for six months. Well, today Willow wanted to see my breasts, and I told her "Sorry, I'm not just going to show them to you just because you want to see them!". I want her to realize she can't just show them to people whenever they ask. I am not completely shy and we have our own house, so I do walk around in the buff sometimes. Partly so she knows it's ok behind closed doors, and partly so I can dry off after a shower. The truth is, I want her to love her body, and I want her to feel comfortable talking about it to the right people. I also want her to know the importance of breastfeeding. If she decides to have children, I want her to be educated and to not feel like it's wrong to nurse and use her breasts for the right reason. I let her know how amazing it is how mothers can make milk for their babies, just like the mom on Ponyo, which is one of her favorite movies. I talked to her for a little while about it all, and she seems very satisfied with our talk. She also laughed and said "Daddy has boobs, too!" Haha! Out of the mouths of babes...