Praying for Prosperity, New Opportunities, and Closure

I need my own life. Well, I love my family life, but I need to be able to have my own goals to achieve, space to create, friends to do things with. Chris has taken the garage and the workshop, and it's very depressing for me to not have my own space. My little workshop is accessible to everyone...no privacy...no soundproofing for solitude. If I want to get up early in the morning to work in my workshop, which is full of every one's stuff, I have to be careful not to wake up Willow because we don't have any doors. It's truly frustrating. I understand that creating a small business will not bring in a substantial amount of money, but it would be something. I haven't found the boost that I need yet, but I will continue to work towards it. It's a financial thing. Right now I consider us below poverty, but rich in love and knowledge.

I am sometimes struggling to walk and use my hands. I want to use my body while I still can. Sometimes people poke fun at me because I can't do everything that a 30 year old woman "should" be able to do. My mental health is still compromised. I am still grieving pretty bad, I realize that. I know that it is written all over my face everyday, and through my writing and conversations.

I will be praying today and tonight, during this full moon, to be shown the way to a new way of life for myself. One that will allow for me to still have strong bond with my family and husband, but an outlet for me to have my own experiences without them as well. I will be asking for support, prosperity, and for new opportunities. I am willing to work hard for these things. My physical limitations are just one thing. I still have my mind and my passion.

I still have myself...my own dreams and aspirations.

I will stay positive and work on drawing in positive things, and opening new doors for myself...that will also benefit my family and friends.

Thank you God, Goddess, Universe, etc....for everything that I have and for all of the new things that may come my way.

I am so very thankful, and looking forward to seeing what my future will hold.

With all that being said, I would like to post a beautiful graphic as a reminder to myself and to anyone who may read this, that we are all warriors in our own lives. We need to stand up for ourselves and take charge when needed. We must stay strong.

Earth Day, Some Dreams and Spiritual Evolution

I had an awful dream last night. I won't get into it, but I realize that I REALLY need to start doing some more serious dream work. That's something that shouldn't be ignored. If you are constantly having vivid dreams they shouldn't be ignored! It's time to delve into my subconscious mind and work on a few things.

I woke up in a weird mood because of the dream, and I got on the computer to help wake up my eyes. It's a ritual that I enjoy. I also decided that I should scramble around and find my walking shoes and workout clothes. Willow woke up, but I still got ready to go for a walk. I woke Chris up while I was looking for a bra. Whoops. Well, he needed to keep an eye on Willow while I was gone anyway.

I really needed to take a walk. That dream really did shake me up and made me question some things in my life. We live in a beautiful neighborhood, except for a few little things. During my walk I had to keep reminding myself to not worry, and to just have TRUST that I am where I belong. I need to believe that the universe will give me signs as to where I belong and what I should be doing.

That is trust.

Today is Earth Day, and also the anniversary of the day Chris and I decided to set off on an adventure as a couple. We went through flirting, courting, feeling out the situation, and then finally we went looking for moss covered rocks and a waterfall...that was on Earth Day 2007.

I walked past some trash on my walk, but was disappointed in myself for not thinking about bringing a bag for trash and recyclables! At the end of my walk, close to our house, I started picking up cigarette butts. I think I know where they came from, but I can't be certain...so I can't point any fingers. It does make me sad, though. My sister lost her husband a couple years ago because of his cigarette addiction. He went through many painful treatments and surgeries.

It's 9:42am, and I have a lot more things to do today.

I'm just going to go with the flow...

God, Praying, Angels, and Signs

I think it's pretty neat all the words for "God". Really, it is! There are so many names out there used by so many different people. I just wish everyone could realize that it's ok to have those different names instead of saying "No!, you can't call my God that! You have to worship God my way, and call him ~fill in the blank~". Personally I praise a "greater power" that has both male and female aspects, but I still pray, and I am able to manifest what is "right" for me in my life and for my family. 

I also want to mention that I have had "angels" sent to me. They come in the form of people or animals, sometimes as signs or miracles, and have helped me along the way. 

I was walking alone, in the middle of nowhere, I had just a jacket and a backpack, and I was absolutely freezing. My body was shivering and shutting down. I had just gone through a very distressing life change where I felt everything I had worked for had been ripped from my hands. I felt hopeless and lost. I broke down and prayed for "God" to send me a sign, and let me know I could handle anything. The road was VERY long and we had just had an ice storm (in Maine) and I had been walking all day and it was starting to get dark. I walked a couple more feet, and I was crying, and I looked down and there was folding knife with all kinds of tools, and there was a working flashlight on it. I was in shock. I was getting scared of being alone in the dark, and I was sent a flashlight. I know this is a random story, but it's one I still think about. Just finding a light when I truly needed it changed my outlook and gave me the hope that I needed to carry on.

This is just the tip of the ice burg on this topic for me, especially about angels and signs, but I had to start somewhere. I have been brought so many angels and signs in my life and I hope to write about them more. I think it would be a good thing to ponder and write about.

Does anyone else have any stories like this that have changed your way of thinking, and reassured you that you are being watched over?

Hatred Is Real, but We Persevere

I have always known I was a nature child, and truthfully I knew I was a witch. My mother considers herself a Christian, because she was raised that way, but she always knew I didn't fit into that religious category. I was always open about my beliefs, and about any opinion really. I've had people try to convince me to "change my ways". I just asked them "You don't really think I'm going to convert to YOUR way, just because you think I should, do you?" I've had people call me evil, and try to convince me that I was going to burn in Hell, but again...they can't convince me to believe in their "Hell". So I was always very strong-headed, and sometimes misunderstood. I was also looked up to by some friends and family members, so it hasn't all been negative attention. I have always wished to have more friends that are pagan, or to find a coven, or just have a group of people to celebrate with, but mostly I have been solitary with scattered pagan friends.

So pretty much I have been open, but then I went trough some major life changes, and I went through a really abusive relationship. I lost everything in my life, and moved into a women's shelter. The women found out I was pagan and treated me really badly. I had to build myself back up after all of that. Also, about five years ago I was gathering herbs on a back road. My father was with me. He took me for a drive in the countryside to just get some relaxation. We had been there dozens of times throughout the years. I was walking through a pasture, and a bunch of guys about my age were hanging out. They had turned it into a hillbilly shooting range. (no offense to hillbillies...country boys sure can be adorable) I walked past them and smiled, I was wearing my silver pentacle, and a couple of them said hello, but some of them just stood there. I carried on and finished gathering my herbs and natural treasures. When I walked back through they had a stuffed witch on the target (where the hell did they even find that thing in 20 minutes time?) and some of them were staring at me, some of them (the friendly ones) were gone, and the others were taking turns shooting the witch on the target.

Religious hate is still very real.

I have since then lost the pentacle that I used to have, but that's ok because it was just a material possession. I have a pentacle that was given to me a couple years, quite randomly actually. I was at our local farmer's market, and I was visiting the stand of a local silversmith. I have always been interested in being a silversmith, so I was gabbing with the man. He had a lot of Native American stuff, but I happened to glance down and saw a big silver pentacle. I commented on it, and he asked me if  wanted to see it. I mentioned I didn't have the money to spend on jewelry right now, but I thought it was very pretty. I continued to talk with him, and he reached for the pentacle and handed it to me. I almost cried, and my face turned bright red.

He gave me that beautiful pentacle.

I walked away from that encounter recharged and beaming.

I have to admit that I have only worn it outside of the house a couple times. I'm home most of the time, but I do go out sometimes. I actually put it in a little box and lost it for about a year, but I found it a little while ago. I would like to wear it out more often, and I'm trying to build myself up for that, but the last time I wore it out I noticed so many people looking at it instead of my face. It was like I had an HUGE boob job or something. Even people I talked to all the time were busy staring at it.

After saying all of this, I don't want to be afraid, and I am openly pagan and posting about it all the time for my 600+ friends, family members, and game friends on facebook. I want to wear my pentacle outside of the house more often and just hold my head high and beam with energy more starting this spring.

I have to thank the writer of Musings of a Magical Mom for giving me the little extra push to write about this. It's something that has been swimming around in my head since it happened (the incident with the cruel hillbilly boys), and I had been thinking about writing an entry about it, but now I have. I'm glad I did.

Book Recommendation: 1001 Things Your Children Should See & Do

Today is an amazing day for me. I am just beaming with Joy. I don't want to get too much into that, but just know that even though the Washington skies are gray, and the temperature has dropped 10 degrees since I was outside earlier, I am putting off so much warmth right now!

What I do want to share is a book that I just ran across at our local natural food market, Sunny Farms. I was scanning the books, nick knacks, and doodads on a shelf next to the coffee station, and this book just jumped into my hands. It's seriously awesome. It's called 1001 Things Your Kids Should See & Do (Or Else They'll Never Leave Home) by Harry H Harrison Jr. I just have to say that I would recommend this book to anyone and EVERYONE, not just parents. It's jam packed with tasty little morsels of wisdom. It's a must have for any bookshelf, coffee table, waiting room, back of the toilet, and perfect as a thoughtful gift. I can't recommend it enough.

Do yourself a favor and check it out. You can read it here

So other than the beaming with joy and finding an awesome book thing, I am just so happy to be here on this planet. The weather was about 54 degrees and our garden is already sprouting, so Chris (my sweetheart) and I went out and played in the garden for a little while. He didn't have to work today, and our little one was at daycare, so we had some time to just be together and think about what we want to do this year in our garden. I love playing in my garden. It's a very magical place. I love to sit on the ground and pull weeds, watch the wind blow through the leaves of the plants, and listen to the crows, our neighbors chickens, and whatever else happens to be going on in our neighborhood. I feel a sense of self worth and belonging when I'm in my garden. Watching it sprout slowly is like watching myself sprout into the upcoming year of events, and trust me, it's going to be a big year. Today I have total reverence for my life and all the people and things in it.

Sweet blessings to you, from me...

Much love, Amanda